The &@*^/&/!X* … Ref Won’t Talk To Me!!

The timekeeper’s scratchpad is full and so is the box. The bench is down to one defenseman and the goalie just threw up. The roar in the building exceeds the bylaw and the linesman are busy picking trash cans off the ice.  The coach’s son was just ejected and the team hasn’t won in seven games.  And now the coach wants the ref to come over. To get his attention he is standing on the bench with one foot on the dasherboard. His arms are waving an obscene message in semaphore and his whole head is the colour of fresh blood.  He can’t remember the ref’s name so he shouts different biblical and anatomical combinations to see what will work. Still the guy won’t come over. He has to come over!! … Doesn’t he?

No, he doesn’t have to come over. If the coach has a legitimate question that doesn’t involve ancestry, sexual preference or the marital status of the referee’s parents, the captain can approach him and relay the query.  When things calm down a bit, and coming over won’t escalate an already volatile situation, he probably will visit the bench and speak directly with the head coach. And only the head coach. If the coach is standing on the bench he’ll ask him to step down to where they can speak one-on-one in normal tones. Unless there is an inner-ear problem, waving the arms for balance probably won’t be necessary for either of them.  Both should ask their questions and deliver their responses in the same manner they would like reciprocated. A polite, reasonable approach should get a polite, reasonable response.  Beligerance begets arrogance and arrogance begets beligerance.  Neither party wins the confidence, respect or cooperation that both the coach and the official need to be an asset to the game.

The coach can request that the referee come to the bench when communication through the captain needs some supplementary dialogue. The referee is not obligated to come over and if he chooses to do so, he is allowed to pick his time.  If coming over will escalate the volatility of a situation or initiate a confrontation, the wise referee will let things cool down a little and approach the bench when a reasonable expectation for respectful dialogue has been restored.  But, if either the coach or the official is putting on a show for the onlookers the prospect of a favourable outcome for either party is nil.